THE BIG BANG THEORY

THE BIG BANG THEORY

From far reaches of the ether, into the heart of this Earth.
Into the stoic life of this Being, you brought such mirth.
Knowing, touching, enjoying with such pleasure
an exotic, mysterious, beautiful Oriental Treasure,
was like being an Electron, surrounding you - Nucleus,
hoping time, adventures, intimacies would create an us,
we could be as one in this world so short on time.
For a short while, my world was sublime.

I was a part of you - Atom.
Like Eve, and Adam.
The atom has split,
exploding,
it's magnificent energy,
it's beautiful essence,
all vaporized.

The Bing Bang
and all is destined - back to the ether,
darkened void of outer and inner space
where change and evolution will, for you,
create another universe and things new,
while I will be left, wondering what to do?,
as, your dreams, you continue to chase.
Dreams of, and you, it seems, I will have neither.


B. J. "A" 2
May 15th 2011

AN ANGEL IN FLIGHT

Diminishing Light

Rays of misty light, rainbows of colour

streaked across the spaces between tear filled eyes

and their source. I hear their voices,

but find no coarse, know no direction,

for they offer no choices.

There will be no resurrection ?

Not to find, not to know affection ?

Only to know anger / hurt, in the inflection,

as You move towards another direction.

B. J. "A" 2

April 29th 2011

EMPTINESS FILLS MY HOURS

Sunshine brings a sadness into my rarefied air.
Your presence, missing, brings to my world, despair.
Sunshine brings a bleak, darkness to my life.
Without you !, my hours are filled with strife.
Sunshine is what you are, what you brought to me.
The beauty of our days, I will no longer get to see.

Sunshine, no longer reflects from these tired old eyes
as I try to look heavenwards, but see no more blue skies.
In memory, my mind's eye, I look into your beautiful eyes
but all I can see, all I can feel, are your good byes.
I should know my Dear, it should come as no surprise !
Yet, it still breaks my heart and my soul, loudly, cries
for the loss of all I had with you, watch, as it dies,
knowing, in the world of death, that is how it lies !
It is the beautiful dream - it, is the bond that ties -
longing to touch you again, to see you with these eyes.

B. J. "A" 2
April 1st 2011

DARK ARE MY DAYS
STARK ARE MY WAYS

My thoughts become perforated with pin prick holes, exuding darkness.

Darkness sucking some of the light, the life from my memories,

from my experiences - in doing so they rob me of the last vestiges

of any hope that your light will continue to shine on me,

continue to provide nourishment's to this life,

give reason to get beyond this season.

I fear that you will extinguish the light forever more,

and I will wither away behind that darkened door,

become dust on the silent winds of your soundless voice,

particles of, carried away on the remnants of your lovely light,

as it travels light years from, and out of my sight.

In this, I am left empty and without any choice .

I have this great urge to plug those black holes,

hope that all will come back, ( that radiant, beautiful light ,

light that harbored my heart, my soul, my spirit

in it's loving embrace ) even if love was not a part of,

it's light, it's life's blood nor a part of it's essence.

The heart, the mind know, yet the heart, the mind can not control.

You are the artist, your soul the palette, your spirit the paint,

paint that coloured all the scenes lived upon me, me the canvas,

a canvas that displayed all the images created by your imagination

and my ability to bring to life, your creations.

I want to be the expediter of all your precious dreams,

dreams that would never include me, it seems.

I look into the mirrors, reflectors of our history, see you,

you the artist, finished with your master piece,

-that illusion of mind, the deluding of my heart -

time to move on and do what you will do.

For my heart, my soul, my spirit there is no peace,

and the realization, for me, there will be no new start.

What is left ?, are my tears, tear drops from the pain

of heart ache, of loss, tear drops trying to wash away

the images, the colors, the memories etched across this canvas.

Efforts in futility !, for all there is, are streaks, staining the face,

of your paintings, the surface of me, me the canvas,

a canvas, upon your wall, has no place ?

B. J. "A" 2

APRIL 2nd 2011

THE FACE OF DEATH

On Monday March 14th 2011, at 1:05 PM, I believe I was looking into the face and eyes of Death, as we drove to Her, school .

I think I heard the voice and sounds of Death, on Monday March 14th 2011 at 1:15 PM as She tried to direct me past the entrance to Her class.

I felt the hands of Death, touch me as She turned away, leaving me standing there, heart in hand, bleeding profusely, no response, as she turned Her, back and walked away, not looking back .

3:40 PM and as I sat in the Henderson Mall, heart broken, feeling the pangs of regret, the Grim Reaper, cut into my chest, as I watched Lady Death, walk towards me with a look that said " die ", " go to hell " but the words that came out of Lady Death's, mouth were " such a serious look ! " and Her, response to my gift of apology ( flowers and a poem ) and my offer to give Her, a ride home where met with a curt response " I have something else to do " and She, was gone like the lights had been turned out, and then the Grim Reaper, plunged his scythe deep into my heart, twisting his blade with such aggression I could hardly breath as my lungs tightened up, my throat closed, my heart would not beat and my soul cried out in vain .

For eleven days I sat in the silences, looking into the casket, at this old fool, who, by his own hands, was killed, killed by his stupidity and thoughtless words. The evening of the eleventh day of my wake, a sweet, voice, from my memory, sang out to my dead ears, but the tones where sugarless and the lyrics where that of a dirge ringing out a death blow, as Lady Death, responded to " will I get to see you sometime ?" with a " maybe " and then " I have to go, I have things to do " and then the coffin lid came crashing down on my state of reverie, the dream shattered like a mirror struck by a meteor, shards, splinters, fragments fused together in twisted, distorted images of what once was ?, is ?, my dream, a dream that was not, is not Hers, and like Alice in Wonder Land, slipping through the looking glass, reality was not as it seemed, for one's reality, on the other side, may not be the reality of another. The visions, the desires, the dreams, one's perception, all, are but splinters of the holographic universe we inhabit, but have no control of. FATE ?, KARMA ?, THE GRAND DESIGN ?, BLIND CHOICES ?

Now I spend every hour of every day hanging on to the edges of my funeral, the wake, my spirit attends faithfully and from these, my mind will not let me escape .

I wonder if I will be able to step out from behind the looking glass ?, awake from my beautiful dream ?, face reality ?, reality reflected in those exotic, dark brown mirrors, the windows to your soul .

My Lotus Blossom, my Oriental Dream, my China Doll, my Exquisite Vision of Loveliness, my Exotic Beauty, - she has left me with my own death mask to reflect upon as I look into the mirrors ( images of what I once experienced with Her, ) and see only ghostly figures ( She and me and all that we shared, all we experienced ) haunting all the moments that lie among the ashes of all the beautiful experiences we shared, experience I believe She, has placed upon a funeral pyre, set them on fire, no longer having a desire to even remember we once lived them, them that gave my life some purpose, gave me meaning, put a sparkle in these tired old eyes and a spring to the shuffle of this old mans step. For Her, ?????????????

THE FACE OF DEATH ---------- THE DEATH MASK

XIAO LING

You are a Beautiful Mystery, I would love to solve.

You are a Secretive Soul, I want to know, your secrets.

I want to unlock, unravel, open the doors.

I want to dance with your skeletons.

I want to lay with your ghosts.

I would love to be your facilitator,

the expediter of your precious dreams,

be able to make them all come true,

be your Dream !

B. J. "A" 2

MARCH 30th 2011

XIAO LING

I wish I knew you well ?, I wish I knew what is in your heart ?
I stepped out of my bleak, four cornered room on Sunday.
I stepped out from my sterile four walled prison to day,
walked with the sun on my face, warming the hours,
as I walked with the Ghost of you in my arm,
you, leaning into me like you used to do.
Visions of your beauty, your lovely face
graced the blue skies before me,
taking me to heavenly places
I once knew,
with you.

I saw the essence in you, dancing upon the face of
Mother Nature, Mother Earth with such joy
as your Ghost and I walked hand in hand
along the dikes (both sides) of the River
Pitt with thoughts of you and I and all
we once shared, carrying me through
the pain, the tears I shed like falling
rain drenching the earth beneath my feet.
Soggy, thoughts that we might meet once again
this time, you could feel for me, as I feel for you.

I watched the sun gaze passed the cloud cover,
wash away the ugliness, expose the whiteness,
turn the grey snow, caped mountain tops
into a clean blanket, gleaming white
and I began to wonder ?, if I will
know, no more grey skies.
Will white snow fill my eyes ?,
as I walk with the Beautiful Ghost of you,
in my arm, leaning against me like you used to do .

B. J. "A" 2
March 24th 2011

You know Xiao Ling, there is so much I would have loved to have done with and for you. I guess?, now that you have others to do for you, I will never again, know the pleasures of giving to you all that I was capable of, all that you would allow me. It saddens me Xiao Ling, to think that I will never again get to do even the little things for you .
Gone are the the oppertunities !,?, like the sun, behind the storm clouds ( your anger, your disappointments ) that have been hovering above my head like bombers waiting to drop their load on me, to watch them explode on me .
I am so very SORRY Xiao LIng, for every mistake, for every discouraging, disparaging remark / word that came from out of my mouth, for every act ( kissing, hugging, caressing, touching, etc., etc. )that upset you so .
I hope that one day you can find it in your heat to forgive me .
You have a great life !

LOVE
BILL .

WOE

WOE

The colour of my today's, is Sorrow.

Heart ache will not leave me, not even tomorrow!

I have really done it this time!

There are no words in this rhyme

strong enough to dissipate

what I have said to alienate.

I gave you cause to close the door,

gave you reason to see me no more.

The colour of my today's is Sorrow.

Heart ache will not leave me, not even tomorrow!

A piece of history ?, you put me on a shelf ?

You saw the Pygmy, you know the Elf.

To be forgotten?, to collect dust ?,

one day so thick, I'll not be seen.

To extricate myself, I must

get back to what I have been.

Will your thoughts ?, your beautiful eyes see

the person ?, the man ?, the friend ?, I used to be

to you, before my careless, thoughtless word.

Something, from me, you should not have heard.

I am so very, very SORRY Xiao Ling.

I believe that my words, my rhyme will not bring

to your shattered, troubled heart,

peace, release or for me a new start.

To not be an image ?, a reflection ?, to not be stored ?

One day, to not be a flake in your memories hoard ?

No portrait of me will come into view

of this foolish man you once knew.

An old man named Bill, who loved you so,

who was unable to fill all you needed to know,

who could not fill all the empty spaces,

could not be one of the many faces

who gave some of, all that you where searching for.

I now believe that you have closed the door.

Closed it on me forever more.

B. J. "A" 2

March 22nd 2011