For Years !!!

 

Four years have been on the run, on the wane

and yet, I still feel your beauty, still feel the pain

that came with – an end – the end you made me aware,

of, we, will no longer be, from then on, I’ve lived in despair,

missing your Asian Beauty, your Oriental Charm,

that did, once upon a time, hang tightly onto my arm.

 

Now it is all gone, fading upon the pages of history.

The joys, the pleasures, the closeness are but a story

of a love that may not have been more than an illusion

of my blind desire, I was willing to accept the delusion,

live within the mystery of your dark and beautiful eyes,

accept the reality, of seeing you create, so many blue skies.

 

Four years have been on the run, on the wane,

all that I know, is, being your friend, I will gain

– every once in a while – an opportunity to spend

a little time with you, bask in the light of my dream,

a dream I have watched, into outer space, you send,

as I sit on the edge of it and watch it float downstream.

 

Yet this old man cannot seem to let go of his desire

to have you rekindle the flame, setting his heart a fire

with all that beauty, beauty that he came to know

as he touched, tasted, experienced what you did and did not show.

This I do know !, I love you still, and it seems that I always will.

It was too short, never had a chance to matured, I never got my fill.

 

Four years have been on the run, on the wane,

and my heart still bleeds, pouring down like rain.

All that remains, are the visions I see in my head !

This fills my heart, my soul - my spirit, it has not fed.

I live with the knowledge, nothing I will be, but your friend.

This, I will carry to my grave, for me, you will never end.

 

I still see you coming in ecstatic waves, upon my black sea,

knowing, consciously, that with you again, I will never be.

This, within, is a deep sadness that is hard to overcome, for me,

yet I should know ?, as every time we are together, soon you flee,

leaving me behind, and all that remains or traces of your shadow,

a shadow that lingers behind, etched upon the pain of my window.

 

Four years have been on the run, on the wane.

Like it was yesterday, I still I feel you, but such a strain

upon the eye, the door that opens into the heart of my soul.

A soul that lived a life time of heart ache, heart ache it doth know

only to well, as memories of a checkered past, weigh, like lead

upon my hours, upon my days and like you, constantly fill my head.

 

In my mind’s eye, I see you often, so many reflections

drift across the mirrored surface of my recollections.

Is that mirror, in a carnival fun house ?, depicting distortion ?,

where all the images I perceive, are not but, states of contortion.

I often wonder ?, why an old man hangs on, so tightly, to a young dream,

long after the actress has played her last scene upon the big screen.

 

Four years have been on the run, on the wane,

and I do know, I will never know your beauty again,

except in the deep dark recesses of my memory’s hoard

where all the adventures, the moments we shared are stored.

Can it be ?, a hopeless, helpless romantic am I.

Have I been out of my element ?, trying to reach for the sky.
 

 

B. J. “A” 2

July 13^th 2014