XIAO LING

CHINA LIGHT

Xiao Ling, did bring light into the shadows

of my days, days living in the shallows

of a love I could never get to know,

for the one I loved so, could never show

for more - once in a long while - then a moment, herself.

Fear - I do believe - created this emotional Elf,

who lives behind all the walls she has built,

hut on the waters of life, foundation on stilt,

high above the churning waters of life,

never wanting to experience the lands of strife

that sometimes, comes with being totally involved.

The issues - the soul, the spirit - never to be resolved,

knowing all the answers - that lie ahead -

only residing with all that is inside her head.

Xiao Ling, ( Natalie, my China Queen ) a natural Being,

with you, one was never capable of reaching, of seeing

beyond all the superficiality

that came at me from your perception of reality.

With you - never really - my Princess, I built many dreams.

During the past two years, plus, it all fell apart at the seams.

LOVE FROZEN IN TIME

Oh how I loved you so.

I could not find a way to let you go.

Time and circumstance,

lack of oxygen, the death for the flame of romance.

A burning Ember, without much of a chance

for me to get beyond our one and only dance.

The fires of my long held desires,

the flames of my suppressed passions -

after two years of untold expenditure of energy -

frozen in a time passed, the heart, the desire, the passion.

All have become encrusted by icy crystals

Lady Freeze, you have chosen to encapsulate my all, in.

I look out, from within, and wonder ?, what was my sin,

why ?, did she expect me to become like her,

cold as ice, hard as stone, living life on the superficial,

take and want, but never give, in deep and meaningful ways.

I look into my feelings and wonder if I can give to Xiao Ling ?,

anything more than the Princess, was willing to give to me.

Has all the pain, all the disappointments the Princess created

- from that palace - (an ice hut upon the north pole ?,

upon the the south pole ?, upon the solar winds of deep space ?, )

- become the essence of this old man ?

Will my heart, my passions, my love, my desires

ever be able to melt the icy shroud they inhabit ?,

can they find in - Xiao Ling, - the heat from a Son,

that will ignite the embers into a full raging fire ?

The question is - does Xiao Ling, even want to be

the fuel that burns away, sets me free ?

B. J. "A" 2

January 21st 2010

1 COMMENT

Brendan said...

I like reading your Poems. They are so raw,

the angst of love can break a man. sometimes

love is so strong it hurts more than any bodily pain.
FEBURARY 24th 2010 - 2:23 am

THE POLISH PRINCESS

A FIRST !

A FIRST !

BIRTHDAY

I saw the Ghost, of thirty seven years

let go of, set free, smiles, laughter, no tears.

I watched, as you glowed in the light of life,

letting go of, what caused you so much strife.

You gave into life, on this your thirty eighth Birthday.

For the first time in your life, you put the Ghost, away,

set Her, free so that you could be, let your spirit play

with your friends, family and me on this, your Birthday.

I can not help but think, your mother, is happy to know

that after all these years, the sadness, guilt you've let go

and realize that Her, sacrifice gave birth and life to you.

This is the ultimate sacrifice a Mother, can do

for the child She, LOVED with all Her, life.

Your heart, spirit, soul felt the cut from that knife

for thirty seven long and sad years.

Now - the thirty eighth - time to shed no more tears.

This She, did for you Xiao Ling, so you could live,

make Her, proud, watch you grow, see you give,

know that, in you, Her Spirit, Her Soul, lives on.

One day - thirty eighth Birthday - know She's not gone,

lingering on in your memory's hoard, inside your heart.

Your thirty eighth Birthday has given you a new start,

one, that throughout the years to come,

you - joy, happiness from

will light up the skies,

will fill your Mother's, eyes.

Nothing in this universe, ever dies!

In this, A truth lies.

B. J."A" 2

September 29th 2010

I SEE LIFE'S LIGHT AGAIN !

Last evening, the Light, again it shone.

The fog dissipated and was soon gone.

You - as Shadow, - became my Light, again.

You jumped started my heart, you released the pain.

I feel the best of life - is worth living without refrain.

I know, do believe, with you, I must restrain

from my passions, my desire for you - from overwhelming you.

I know that to be with you - difficult as it will be - this I must do.
You are my guiding Light.

As Sun, setting you are a beautiful sight.

B. J. "A" 2

September 21st 2010

Where has the light of life gone ?

LIFE'S LIGHT DIMS

_______________

Suddenly I begin to see you in light, as shodow.

Once, Full Moon, Twinkling Stars, in the depths of night,

Sun, radiantly, upon my life bestowing it's healing light.

Understanding - you be Will O The Wisp - in my sight,

yet, realizing my perceptions may not be right.

You, I have touched, felt, been deep inside, you I know.

You, a beautiful woman, these days eluding me.

Me, it seems, you want not, not want to see

as before, when all was new and set free.

A time when you could let it be.

Now, I feel as though I have become the light of shadow

fading into the dregs of darkness, of loss.

Why is it I can not find you ?, the you I knew,

thought I knew when all was bright and new.

B. J. "A" 2

September 21st 2010

Cloudy Days

Cloudy Days

Black clouds loom heavy above my head.

My heart, my soul, my spirit feels, as if dead,

buried under mountains and mountains of weight,

as this beautiful Lotus Blossom dictates my fate .

This is - to be in - such a dreadful state,

hour after hour, turning in the emptiness of my bed.

Feelings, I never again wanted to know, I hate

what China Doll, Oriental Beauty, to me has fed.

My heart aches, it weeps,

my mind, it never sleeps,

My spirit longs for your touch,

my soul craves to touch you, so much.

Has it all come to an end ?,

Do you no longer need me as friend ?

What is in store ?

Will you be no more ?

B. J. "A" 2

September 16th 2010

How I'd Like It To be !!!

Once again !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!